Dear Dads,
So, you are going to be a Father! Take a deep breath…how do you feel? Excited, overjoyed, nervous, overwhelmed, or maybe a bit of everything?
Somehow, you are reading this article, and you might be wondering: “What even is a Doula? How will that benefit me and my wife? And, can’t I just be her doula? Well, as the Doula in the room, I’m here to answer those pressing questions, so let’s get into it…
What even is a Doula?
A Doula is a trained professional who provides physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual support to a pregnant woman and her family (that means you) before, during, and after birth.
How will that benefit me and my wife?
Before Birth
Before your wife’s birth, my role is education and empowerment. For your wife, this means teaching her how to prepare her body, mind, and spirit for labor, delivery, and for life with a newborn.
For you, as her husband, this means teaching and guiding you how to support your wife the best you can, in the ways only YOU can. Because as her husband, YOU are her primary support person, not me. This means teaching you things like:
- Comfort measures
- Mirroring
- How to establish rhythm and rituals
- How to lead your wife in visualization
- How to identify her needs
- Rhythmic breathing
During Labor and Delivery
When your wife begins labor, you may go into panic mode. Baby is coming, wife is in pain, and you’re unsure what to do. All the classes, the information you learned gone, as adrenaline floods your brain.
As the Doula, I:
- Help you feel calm and ready to support your wife.
- Gently remind you what you can do to help your wife
- Offer questions and help you and your wife evaluate when problems arise
- Suggest comfort measures or positions that you could try
- Give you a break to rest and reset (Labor can last hours-days, and is exhausting. If you need a quick nap or a meal, I’ll take over supporting your wife.
- Help you know when to head to the hospital (if that is your chosen birth space).
After Birth
Immediately after your baby’s birth, I work to hold space for you and your wife to marvel and the newborn you created together.
During the Postpartum period (up to 8 weeks after birth), the Doula stays available for the birthing couple. I help you both process the birthing experience, answer questions about postpartum, breastfeeding, and getting back into your pre-pregnant lifestyle.
Can’t I just be her doula?
Dad, you are better than her doula, you are her husband!
You know your wife better, and more intimately, than anyone. It is your presence, support, and love she wants at her birth. My goal is to teach you how to support her in the ways she needs and wants during her labor.
A Doula devotes her life and career to birth, she is knowledgable on everything from c-sections, the Pelvis, optimal positioning, newborn development, and countless other topics. She has attended workshops and trainings to expand her knowledge, and reads birth books and articles on her free time.
You many not know all the facts, and that’s okay! That is what the Doula is for. You are there to love your wife, support her, and be the hero she needs; and I’m here to make sure you know how.
Too many times, have mothers stated their husbands did not know how to help during their labor, they didn’t seem present, and didn’t seem to understand their needs.
Too many times, have fathers stated they were scared, confused, or even traumatized by their wife’s labor and birth. They desperately wanted to help, but didn’t know how.
Homework for Dad
Take some time to sit down and write out ways that you can love your wife during labor. How does she like to be comforted? Does she like to dance, sway, hug, or rock? Does she have comfort foods or drinks? Does she enjoy a certain activity like puzzles or watching movies? Does she enjoy your anchoring presence or would she prefer your acts of service during her labor? Write these down and discuss them with your wife and your Doula.
My vision, is to see couples draw closer together during the process of birth. After all, this isn’t just the birth of your and your wife’s child, it’s the birth (or re-birth) of two new parents.
With Love,
Pearl
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